The uncut version of me

After years of contemplating I've decided that I'll be giving you the real me uncut . The rough unpolished rock. These are my thoughts and my feelings.. Some might get offended , others might understand and agree. Either way this is me

Tuesday, 19 August 2014

So my first ever blog post, not quite sure if I want to blog about my past or my future or the present. So many things to scribble down ...

I'm not sure if anybody will read this , deep down inside I'm hoping not as it's hard to just scribble down your feelings and have people just read about them and possibly just judge you when they don't even know you, or in this case me..

So I've been so fortunate to have done what I've done. Loved what I've done and achieved what I have,.
Do I miss it? Yes.
Would I go back in time and relive the past ? Hell yes. ..
I miss everything and everyone.. And as we grow older things change, we change , people change..
We go thru things and we see things thru different views..
I would not have imagined myself here where I am today. If you asked me 10 years ago where I'd be and what I'd be doing I'd probably say I'd be doing the same thing as I was 10 years ago.

A long time ago I was a jockey , Singapore' s first and only female professional jockey. My dream , my life , my everything. Years of hard work , sweat , blood and pain.
Now I look back and smile and think to myself I did what I love and was so lucky. Since the age of  7 my heart was set . And it was just an awesome ride from there onwards , it sure wasn't all rainbows and fairy dust and pink unicorns but it was my dream. Best time of my life..
Fast forward few years and I'm a housewife , clueless to what my next move will be.
Nothing wrong with being a housewife, I love my husband , my dogs and our wonderful house but something is missing. I haven't quite found it yet till I recently started pole dancing and although I wanted to try it for quite some time I didn't till after I got back from my holiday to Holland . I decided it was time to do something and put fear aside and just do it .
Of course I was scared trying something new and by myself .. Would the girls be bitchy? How would they take me? Are they all tall , skinny and super model like? Sluts . Strippers?  I mean come on right? That's what people associate pole dancing with...
I must admit after my trial it changed my mind completely , 1) the people were so nice . 2) no strippers in sight. And everybody was just normal , your everyday girls. I was relieved..  I pushed through and signed up for a term .. I would get sore but couldn't wait for my next class.. I was doing it once a week. Now I'm taking 3 pole classes a week and still do my other classes at the gym.
Think I pushed myself abit to hard to get the most out of my dollar as I hurt back , somewhere around my shoulder blade.. And yet I continue to go for more torture haha
Today I had my first private lesson, I had been waiting for this for quite some time as I was hoping my coach could help me develop ... I don't know maybe skills?? Or a goal .. And  I actually got clarity from it. I have got abit of a goal now. I decided that in time I'd like to enter a competition , I know the type of music and the style.. Best of all I (believe ) improved my positions or poses .. More defined and elegant .  As most poses are sore and hurt you it's all about getting the skin tough. Toughen the skin and it will all be easier , more resistant. I'm covered in new bruises and I'm sore in different places but I'm so happy. Happy to have a goal , an aim , something to look forward to. Something to work on..

Speaking of competitions , I'll be doing a hip hop dance in 3 months and I'm not sure if I'll cut it. The first part is new to me and I got to learn it . The second part is easier as I've done it but long way to go to perfect it.. I'm convinced I'm slow when it comes to dancing/choreography  I really need to work hard on picking up moves but when I've got it , I've got it , it just takes me awhile to get it , to my dismay...

Today was great , looking forward to tomorrow


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